How do I detach myself from enablers?
Throughout my addiction and alcoholism I had many enablers which I didn’t even realize were enablers until I got sober. Without knowing it, we both had a part to play in continuing my addiction. My enablers were doing it out love, some of them, and I was doing it out of a selfish need and want to continue getting high. When I got sober I still reached out to my enablers knowing they were going to help because they always had in the past but it was for different things. Initially I used my enablers, who consisted of my family mainly and also my boyfriend at the time, I used them for money, to bail me out of jail, to give me a place to stay etc. When I got sober I used my family and sometimes friends as a way to stay in my shit and continue griping about problems. I would also still use my family’s enabling for money. This kept me unemployed for a long time, knowing they would always be there to pay rent when I couldn’t.
So the question for me was, how do I detach myself from enablers? What can I do become accountable for myself and not relying on the people who I know will always be there to support me when I choose not to do things for myself?
Well that’s just it. The way I detach myself from enablers is I do things for myself. I take the action for myself to become more self-reliant and less reliant on my enablers. If I am constantly asking my parents for money and they continually enable me, so I never get a job. Then guess what? I go out and I get a job. If I actively search for a job then I am eventually going to become employed and when that happens I won’t have to allow my family to enable me with money.
There have been times when I have found myself calling the same people, griping about the same things, and they have listened to my complaints and then suggested something I can do about it. Instead of doing something about it, I continue acting the same way as I did before and then have to call the same person, about the same thing, just to hear the same suggestion. The person who isn’t enabling me won’t let me talk about it anymore until I take the action to change it. Someone who enables me will listen to the same repetitive complaint over and over. So how do I detach from my enablers? I start doing things differently when something goes wrong instead of acting the same and continually have the same problem arise.
The best way to detach from enablers is to start taking the action that allows you to be self-reliant instead of reliant on someone else. A lot of the times an enabler doesn’t know they are enabling you so the best thing you can do for them and yourself is to detach and become accountable for yourself.